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“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

Monday, June 6, 2011

How we feel about Adoption

I was talking to Berrett's mom and sister yesterday about the whole process of adoption, explaining the documents needed the home study etc. and his mom said "boy things sure have changed!"  She is right it is different from when she adopted Berrett.  Some things are easier, some are harder.   Berrett's story is his own to share, but let me just say it was a different time.
Before we were married we had talked about adoption.  Because of Berrett's history is seemed like a natural way to fill out our family.  We didn't know we would have problems with infertility but we had discussed it.  We had close friends who had struggled and we knew it could happen.  So recently when our case worker asked us how infertility had effected our marriage, we were surprised.  We don't feel like it has effected our marriage in a bad way.  We have turned to each other in our times of frustration, our sadness, but we have never blamed each other.  What happens to one of us, happens to both of us.  We are already a family.  If the Lord does not bless us with children in this life, we are still a family.  We want children, we pray for children, we plead for children, but if it doesn't happen we will go on.  We will continue to build our marriage and pray for understanding and peace.  We understand that family is a Eternal concept and we believe we will be blessed with children in the Lord's time, either in this life or the next.   But we hope, we pray and want children if it is all possible.
There are times, especially for me, when waiting is hard.   I love kids!! I am never happier then when I am in the company of children.  I love my calling in the church with the primary children.  I love the time I spend with the young women at girls camp.  I love my nieces and nephews.  I love to hear their stories, play their games,  hug and comfort them when they cry, laugh with them when they are happy.  I love being a aunt, but I long to be a mommy.   Berrett loves children too.  He adores all the babies in our ward, he points out to me, their cute little outfits, he has a special favorite among our friends who he always wants to hold.  He longs to be a daddy. We talk about books we want to read to them,  places we want to visit.  When we decorate our tree at Christmas, we talk about hanging their ornaments, hanging their stockings, putting cookies out for Santa.  We dream of decorating a nursery, watching them grow and change.  We look forward to the Dance recitals, the sporting events, the science fairs, even the endless home work.  I tease Berrett about protecting a daughter from "those boys" when she begins to date, and he teases me about little boys and the creatures I may find in their pockets.   We dream of our family and we pledge to do our very best for our little family.  We promise to kiss the boo boo's and dry the tears.  We promise to love them with all our hearts, even when they are not so lovable!!  We promise to share the miracle of their births with them and want them to honor their birth parents.  We feel that a child's arrival in this world is a sacred gift, and their own story.  Their adoption will never be a secret, but their story will be sacred.  It will be theirs to share with others as they want or need.  We want them to know how much we love and respect the way they arrived in this world and the people who brought them to us.   We don't know at this time how open we want our adoption to be.  We feel good about cards, letters, email, photo's and sharing information with our child's first family.  We don't know enough about "open adoption " to know how we feel about visits, or continual physical contact.  We really feel like Heavenly Father will guide us to the best plan for us and for our child's first family.   We hope that the people who consider us as parents will understand that we are still learning about the process.  So if you are looking, please understand that we are willing to consider your needs and desires as well.  We want everyone to be as happy about the process as possible.  We also want to protect your privacy and the privacy of our child.   We love this child.. Even before they are here, they are growing in our hearts every day.  We are so grateful for the chance to look into adoption and for the gift that expectant parents may offer to families like ours.   Who ever you are, May the lord bless you at this time and through out your whole lives.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

My early years- Kay

I am the oldest child in my family.  I have one brother and one sister.   My father was in the air force during the first 11 years of my life and we travelled around quite a bit.  We even lived in the Netherlands [Holland} for 3 years!! 
My mother read to me from the time I was an infant and I have always loved books!!  I intend to read to our children from birth to adulthood, and beyond if they will let me!!
I was a bit of a tom boy and loved to climb tree's, and most of my friends were boys.  I did love dolls and barbies in my preteen years. I spent many happy hours building "houses" for my barbies out of any materials available.  Its amazing what you can do with shoe boxes, zip lock bags and egg cartons.
My parents loved Christmas!! Especially my dad.  It was always a race on Christmas morning to see who would be the first ones out of bed, Us or Daddy!! Usually it was daddy!!
My mom spent a lot of time crocheting doll clothes for our babies and barbies.  She loved to get down on the floor and spend time playing with us.  It was important to her that her children had a mom who was interested in them, not just interested in a clean house!!  Our friends always seemed to want to hang out at our house.  Dad took each of us kids on individual "dates" every few months so we could have some one on one time.  He had a great sense of humor and loved to read as well.  We spent many sunday evenings at our grandparents {dad's parents} for supper and a movie night after we moved back to California.  My grandmother was the one who taught me how to cook.   Cooking was not one of my mom's talents!!  She could open a can like a pro, but she was better at cleaning up the kitchen!!

I was raised in the LDS Church and have many happy memories of Primary and Young women's.  I discovered my own testimony at quite an early age and it has always been a  source of strength for me.  Faith was an important part of our lives.  My parents were sealed in the temple when I was 11 years old and it was one of the most important moments of my life.   My father left the military when I was 10 years old, to pursue his dream of being a commercial artist.  We lived in California for about 5 years after that, and then eventually moved to Utah.
We had only been in Utah for a few weeks when my dad was diagnosed with Leukemia.  I was 16 years old.  Only  6 months later we lost him., I felt as though the center of my world had disappeared.  I was very close to my dad.  My mom had to go to work for the first time in her life.  She depended on me to help raise my younger brother and sister.  I have no regrets about those responsibilities as it brought us closer together.  Both of my siblings call me their "other " mom. 
I have a strong belief that the time away from my dad will only be for a short while and that some day we will be reunited.  I have felt his presence many times in my life.  I am grateful to have had a incredible dad for 16 years and a mom who withstood the loss of her husband and raised 3 kids.
I hope to emulate their great example of parenthood!!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

All Because Two People Fell In Love

Isn't it interesting the way people meet? When I met Bear, he was dating a friend of mine.  We had hung out together in a group and I remember thinking " I like that guy!! He is so nice."
One day he picked me up on his way to her house.  We arrived a little early and sat on her front lawn talking.  He told me all about his great love for the theater and performing.  He focused quite a bit on "Phantom of the Opera".  I wasn't as familiar with it at the time.  So he explained the plot, the music, and the meaning he found in the story.  He was so passionate about the arts, and I found that quite attractive.
But he was dating my friend so I kept those feelings to myself.
A few months later they broke up, and I did my best to help him recover from the heartache!!  Now don't get me wrong, I did check with my friend, I am not the kind of girl who would steal another girls guy!!  To this day he still thinks it was his idea to take me out, and to kiss me on our 3rd date... well  if that makes him happy who am I to argue?
Now the thing you have to understand about Berrett is, he.... takes.... his.... time...!!  We dated for 6 years before he popped the question.  Let me tell you it was worth the wait.  He invited me to come along on a family vacation and asked me to marry him at Disneyland!!  It was so romantic and even more special because he knew that my parents had gotten engaged there.
We were married in the Salt Lake Temple, 1 year, 1 month and 1 day later!!   It was the happiest day of both of our lives!!  We have been married for almost 12 years.  He has a wonderful family with a lot of neices and nephews that we love like they were our own kids!!  I can truly say that we are Super Aunt and Uncle!!
We spent our honeymoon at Disneyland and we have returned there time and time again.  He always walks me back to our spot at Snow Whites grotto, and we make a wish in the wishing well.   So many of those wishes have been for a family.   We dream of taking our little girl or boy to our favorite place and introducing them to the magic kingdom.  Seeing  Disneyland through the eyes of our child would be the best vacation of all.
Berrett still loves the theater and holds down a 2nd part time job, working in the box office.  He still takes.. his... time... making... decisions, but  I am used to it!!    His daytime job is In IT for a major corporation.
I work for a local flower shop as a customer rep in their call center.  I have worked in different aspects of this job for over 20 years.  I have been a designer, wedding consultant, manager, assistant manager, and now I am quite happy spending 3 days a week taking phone orders from our loyal customers!!
We are both active in church.  I love the Primary, I have been a teacher and I am now beginning a new calling as 1st counseler in our ward primary.  I also hold a calling as Stake Asst. Girls camp director.  Berrett still giggles about this because I was not a camper,  but now I love it!!   Berrett has been the secretary in the Elders quorum and is at present the ward clerk.  We both served Missions around the same time.  He served in California and I served in New Zealand.
I love to cook and make up new recipes.  We both love to do crafts and Berrett is the proud owner of a CRICUT cutter.  I only have visitation rights!! LOL!  I love to read for fun, and he loves to read for Information.   He is the quiet one, although He is not shy.  I am the talker, and quite shy!!   I tend to run at the mouth when I am nervous!!
We love to go to movies, and the theater and try to keep up on our weekly dates.  Some of our best dates have been sitting in the childrens section of the bookstore reading kids books to each other.  We like road trips and have some of our best conversations there.  I have read all the Harry Potter books to Bear while on these road trips.  We like a lot of the same music and Bear will surprise me with ballet and concert tickets as often as he can.  We give new meaning to the definition "young at heart"!!   We work hard, and we play hard!!