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“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

Monday, March 19, 2012

Another Step in our journey..

I had a friend ask if she could post about us on her blog recently.  She wanted to "share" our story with others and hoped it may be a way to reach out to "our" expectant mom.  It got me thinking.  What would I want to share?
Well, I decided to do this in a "interview type format" and hope it may be read with some interest.

How did you meet?
I worked at a flower shop as a designer.  A very artistic young woman started working at the same shop.  We hit it off right away and became good friends.  She was dating Berrett at the time.  We hung out a lot in a group and that is how I got to know Berrett.
Later when things didn't work out between them, he and I continued to hang out.  We became very good friends with similar interests.  Later the sparks began to fly and we began dating.
We were married in May 1999.  The happiest day of our lives... So far!

What led you to adoption?
We had decided early in our marriage that we would let the children come on the Lords Schedule.  Little did we know that His Schedule would be totally different from ours.  We decided after many years of Infertility that we would look into adoption.  About 6 years into our marriage, a friend told us that she had a friend who lived down south, who had a foster son.  This son and his girl friend had discovered that she was pregnant and didn't feel ready to raise the child themselves.  Berrett was hesitant to proceed with this, but let me take the lead, and we began to email them.  They did not want to go through a traditional adoption agency.  After several months of correspondence, we met them for lunch.  We shared family photo's and stories. We talked for two hours, and Berrett grew quieter and quieter. I wanted a child so badly, that it took me a little longer to hear the warning bells that Berrett was hearing all along.  We left the lunch and I suddenly felt so despondent.  We didn't say much to each other but went to a nearby Temple and walked around the grounds and I silently prayed. 
We were in our car headed back to the hotel, when Berrett took my hand and said "honey, you know this isn't right, this is not our baby."   I didn't say anything, just nodded and let the tears fall.  I knew he was right.  It can be hard to hear the answer "no" from Heavenly Father and your husband when you want something so badly.
We went home the next day and emailed the couple and told them we were sorry, but no longer interested.  We heard later that they married and kept their baby.  I put the idea of adoption on the back burner again.
Last year we both started to feel ready again.  We felt a great urgency to look into LDS Family services.  We went to the orientation and began the process.
What is the process like? It consists of interviews of the couple together and separately.  Classes about adoption, back ground checks, letters of reference from friends and family, as well as a lengthy one from your bishop.  There are fee's, but it is based on your yearly income and you pay 10% of the last years income.  No less then 4,000.00 and no more then I believe 10,000.00     Plus fee's called "pass through" fee's for the mom.  These are fee's that may help her pay rent, or for groceries, utilities, etc. as she goes through the pregnancy and for a short recovery period after.  The pass through fee's are no more then 3,000.00.  You also have to have a home study and copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates and a current temple recommend. You also answer a lot of questions about yourself.  Things that help the expectant parents to get to know you.

How can we help?
Well, we still need to raise about a 1000.00 for travel expenses and other expenses that are not covered by our adoption loan.  You can help us out by buying our book, http://www.lulu.com/shop/kay-maynard/my-abcs-of-adoption/paperback/product-18881327.html

It is $10.00 and all profits go toward our adoption fund.  It is a simple ABC book that teaches children and their families about the words used in adoption.  Such as Birth parents, or Home study, Etc.
We have also had people just donate directly to us, or through our pay pal account.
We also need help finding our child.  You can spread the word by telling others that you know of a couple looking to adopt.  We also will have pass along cards and ink pens that have our info on them.   The cards and pens can be left anywhere. Like with Doctors, nurses, hairstylists.  With tips in restaurants.  At your bank, grocery store.  You can give them to Ministers and youth group leaders and teachers.  We are able to adopt anywhere in the USA and the more people who know the better our chances.  This is the link to our profile that you can link on social websites, Face book, emails and Pinterest.
Or anywhere else you think a expectant mom might see it.  Please if you know us personally don't list our last name, phone number or address.  A lot of couples have been victims of adoption scam, and we are trying to protect our privacy.

How long does it take to adopt?
As long as it takes!!!  People have found their child within hours of having their profile up, or years later.  The families who have had the most success, have found their child through some one else.  We have also been advised to be proactive.  To "do" as much as we can to get the word out.  We joined Families Supporting Adoption.
Families Supporting Adoption is an organization sponsored by LDS Family Services which advocates a positive view of adoption and provides support to birth parents, adoptive couples, children and all friends of adoption.

I hope that helps others who may be looking at adoption, or wanting to help in some way.
We can't wait to find that little some one who will become a part of our forever family.

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