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“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

Monday, June 6, 2011

How we feel about Adoption

I was talking to Berrett's mom and sister yesterday about the whole process of adoption, explaining the documents needed the home study etc. and his mom said "boy things sure have changed!"  She is right it is different from when she adopted Berrett.  Some things are easier, some are harder.   Berrett's story is his own to share, but let me just say it was a different time.
Before we were married we had talked about adoption.  Because of Berrett's history is seemed like a natural way to fill out our family.  We didn't know we would have problems with infertility but we had discussed it.  We had close friends who had struggled and we knew it could happen.  So recently when our case worker asked us how infertility had effected our marriage, we were surprised.  We don't feel like it has effected our marriage in a bad way.  We have turned to each other in our times of frustration, our sadness, but we have never blamed each other.  What happens to one of us, happens to both of us.  We are already a family.  If the Lord does not bless us with children in this life, we are still a family.  We want children, we pray for children, we plead for children, but if it doesn't happen we will go on.  We will continue to build our marriage and pray for understanding and peace.  We understand that family is a Eternal concept and we believe we will be blessed with children in the Lord's time, either in this life or the next.   But we hope, we pray and want children if it is all possible.
There are times, especially for me, when waiting is hard.   I love kids!! I am never happier then when I am in the company of children.  I love my calling in the church with the primary children.  I love the time I spend with the young women at girls camp.  I love my nieces and nephews.  I love to hear their stories, play their games,  hug and comfort them when they cry, laugh with them when they are happy.  I love being a aunt, but I long to be a mommy.   Berrett loves children too.  He adores all the babies in our ward, he points out to me, their cute little outfits, he has a special favorite among our friends who he always wants to hold.  He longs to be a daddy. We talk about books we want to read to them,  places we want to visit.  When we decorate our tree at Christmas, we talk about hanging their ornaments, hanging their stockings, putting cookies out for Santa.  We dream of decorating a nursery, watching them grow and change.  We look forward to the Dance recitals, the sporting events, the science fairs, even the endless home work.  I tease Berrett about protecting a daughter from "those boys" when she begins to date, and he teases me about little boys and the creatures I may find in their pockets.   We dream of our family and we pledge to do our very best for our little family.  We promise to kiss the boo boo's and dry the tears.  We promise to love them with all our hearts, even when they are not so lovable!!  We promise to share the miracle of their births with them and want them to honor their birth parents.  We feel that a child's arrival in this world is a sacred gift, and their own story.  Their adoption will never be a secret, but their story will be sacred.  It will be theirs to share with others as they want or need.  We want them to know how much we love and respect the way they arrived in this world and the people who brought them to us.   We don't know at this time how open we want our adoption to be.  We feel good about cards, letters, email, photo's and sharing information with our child's first family.  We don't know enough about "open adoption " to know how we feel about visits, or continual physical contact.  We really feel like Heavenly Father will guide us to the best plan for us and for our child's first family.   We hope that the people who consider us as parents will understand that we are still learning about the process.  So if you are looking, please understand that we are willing to consider your needs and desires as well.  We want everyone to be as happy about the process as possible.  We also want to protect your privacy and the privacy of our child.   We love this child.. Even before they are here, they are growing in our hearts every day.  We are so grateful for the chance to look into adoption and for the gift that expectant parents may offer to families like ours.   Who ever you are, May the lord bless you at this time and through out your whole lives.